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Equilibrium.10/3/2024 When I was told recovering from my last neck operation would take a year, Jean laughed and said: ‘Make that three!’ He knows the workings of my body well. Whilst the bone structure has healed normally (Hurray!), the knock on effects last a lot longer.
Deconditioning took away my ability to use public transport, take short walks and bike into the village, which had taken discipline and effort to build up. Only recently have I been able to start redressing that again. Since my idea of using anti-inflammatory injection for the issues that are still to be addressed in my neck worked so well, I returned to the back clinic. It is starting to show results, even though I have had to cancel and adjust the exercises because other issues keep interfering. We went out for a brief walk in the rain last week. It was lovely to feel and hear the patter, but also to notice the improvement in my ability to walk uphill a little. Jean was out of breath instead of me. That is the after effects of the flu we had. It is still troubling all three of us. For my husband that means his airways are still affected. For me it is sudden bursts of extreme general unwellness often accompanied by a rise in temperature. The withdrawal symptoms I am still dealing with have now been discussed medically, and a minor readjustment has been made to my medication. It is hard to evaluate the effect, with all these other things going on, but I am confident it will help. And I was like a child looking forward to a school trip at the thought of having my first real professional photoshoot planned for Friday. The joy of the anticipation was energising. That had to be postponed, of course, after a visit to the emergency department, with suspected kidney stone, which turned into probable digestive issues. In fact it has been the kind of week that would give completely the wrong impression if I explained any part of it separately. It is one of the things that makes it difficult for patients with conditions like mine: chronic, rare, dynamic, barely visible. Hearing about the incident and seeing the photographs of the morning after is likely to lead people to some assumptions. They would be right to think I am out of sorts. I am. My tummy is still hurting, I feel done in and my fuse is short. At the same time I have been making corrections to my manuscript day in day out. I have often mentioned having about 4 to 5 functional hours a day, on average. Those last two words are the important ones here. I have been using up many more this last week. Of course in setting myself a deadline for publication and getting a timeline from my publisher, I should have calculated this in. For anything expected of me, if I am to respect the limits of my body, the timings should be multiplied by about three in comparison to a relatively healthy person. This will either come back to bite me, or the balance will settle itself with the next crisis I will get to face. The other possibility, of course, is that this will be the start of a new phase in which I finally do get to expand on my usable hours. It would be a miracle, but hey, I have experienced some already. I am open to the possibility! Anyone only hearing about the efforts I have put into my book over the last few days, could jump to some assumptions too. They are likely to be the opposite of the ones related to my abdominal issues. Both would be missing additional information, like the way my husband and child have been looking after me to enable me to focus on the book, or the way I have tried to maintain some balance with other activities, albeit very low key, for fear of losing the progress I have been making. Now that I have sent my manuscript back, and especially as I am trying to recover from whatever is happening in my tummy, I will be taking it easier. Again, though, I will be aiming to reach a balance and keep doing the basics. There is skill involved in being a chronically ill patient intent on maintaining some quality of life.
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